I’m a Crappy Wife

Ohhhhh the season of love…

Prom 1994

Valentine’s Day…do you love it, do you hate it?  I’ve been with “my” love since I was 15 years old.  Yep!  High school sweethearts and still together 23 years later.  One thing I know for sure is that he loved me then and he loves me now.  I know the saying, “more than I deserve,” may sound cliche but I sincerely feel this way about my husband.  Now hear me out…what I’m about to say is true, but if you don’t know me well enough, know that I’m extremely sarcastic and have a pretty dry sense of humor…so hang with me!

I’m a crappy wife and here’s why…

  • My husband brings me coffee every single morning (with just the right amount of cream) AND are you ready for it…he also takes the kids to school every single morning.  Go ahead, throw something at the computer because you hate me.  I know, I know.  I’m totally spoiled.
  • I don’t cook.  The least I could do for the poor guy is make him wonderful meals after he puts in a long day but I absolutely hate it.  Don’t get me wrong, I feed my family but I have about 4 recipes that are simply rotated.  Oh…and he does the grocery run for us pretty frequently.  I put what we need at the grocery store on our COZI app list and I can usually bribe him into making the run  (PS this would be a great tool  for your hubby.  Downloadable grocery list app Cozi.com).
  • Any day of the week I would rather binge watch brain dead shows like Scandal or the Real Housewives than get freaky with my husband.  Ugh…I’m always so tired!!! wink. wink.
  • He’s a hunter and fisherman.  He’s asked me repeatedly to go with him in the tree stand or go out fishing with him.  I always say, “WHY do you want me to ruin that for you!?!”  Gross…I hate it all.  No thanks.
  • You know that session of swimming lessons where one of the parents gets in the water with their toddler?  Yeah, I made my husband do that with my kids.  Duh?!  I don’t own a mommy appropriate bathing suit…I’m just doing everyone a favor.

So those are all of the things that not only make me a crappy wife, but a lazy one.

Now for the things that make me an even crappier wife…

  • I don’t encourage my husband enough.  Awhile back we took the “Love Language” quiz (yes, I made him).  His love language came up as “Words of Affirmation.”  This means that he receives love best by people affirming him, giving him positive feedback, etc.  What an EASY thing to do, reaffirm what he’s great at, and he’s great at a lot of things.  WHY is that so hard to do?
  • I don’t show him enough affection.  I seriously used to be OBSESSED with my husband.  We wouldn’t leave each other’s sides…I’d call him 2 or 3 times a day if I was on a girl’s weekend or on a work trip, we’d take naps on the couch together on a lazy Sunday, we’d hold hands walking down the street…you can picture it.  Then you know what came next…KIDS…I hate to use them as an excuse, but truly – all my affection and energy typically goes to my kids and he gets whatever’s left. One of the BEST things we’ve done is find at least 3 babysitter options, that way you have no excuse not do a date night a couple times a month.  Trust me!  It helps and your marriage DESERVES IT!!
  • He’s the recipient of my stress.  Why is that those we love the most get the worst of us?  I may be having a bad day at work and  I can hold it together all day long but when I get home and something my husband says  sets me off, I turn into  EXORCIST EMILY!!  Spewing words of venom I held in all day, being angry at him about a topic that probably REALLY isn’t even the topic…this is me at my worst. I’m gross.  And let me tell you something about my husband…as you can see from all of the above, he’s not argumentative, he doesn’t like a fight and doesn’t like conflict.  He’s very patient, kind and amiable.  He doesn’t even know what to do with me when I freak out like this, poor fellar.
  • I expect him to be something he’s not made to be.  As mentioned before, I met Mike when we were 15.  Obviously, a person has NO IDEA what they will want from a spouse at that young age.  That’s not to say you can’t make it and love them forever.  Back then all I cared about was that he was cute and smelled good…seriously.  Now, 20 some years later, I yearn for him to be outspoken, a leader, more defensive or protective of me, a take-charge type.  This has been a topic of arguments (initiated by me) for years as we’ve grown older.  I realize now, that those qualities are not innate him.  He’s NEVER going to “wear the pants in the family” primarily because I’d never let him.  That’s my problem, not his.  And let’s face it…we THINK we want to be married to a Christian Grey but someone like that would probably be a total “a” hole to live with. 🙂

So where does this lead us

Well, what all this means to me as I reflect on my role in my marriage is that MARRIAGE TAKES WORK.  One of the best quotes I ever heard was “Love is not just a feeling, but a decision.”

 I’ve decided that this man deserves all my love, my commitment, my attention and most of all my future.  I want to do everything I can to ensure that our future together (once the kids don’t like us anymore and are away becoming doctors at Yale) is fulfilling and strong.  When I’m having a “freak out” doubt session in my marriage (and yes, they do happen to EVERYONE) I just think to myself, “Who do I want to grow old and grey with 30 years from now?”  The answer is unequivocally ALWAYS Mike.  I mean, COME ON!  He totally loves me and I’m a crappy wife!  Imagine if I tried a little harder!  Geeesh!

So!  The moral of this story is that if you thought you were a crappy wife, now maybe you see how crappy I am and feel a little better about yourself!! hahaha!!!  No, but seriously, I’ve got much to work on, much to improve and hopefully many years to get it right.  Also, this may be my way of acknowledging to my husband my many imperfections and admitting he does A LOT for my kids and I.

 

 

To all you ladies out there who have a significant other/husband as loving, kind, generous and patient as mine… congratulations!  We hit the jackpot! To all of you who are still looking…look for one like my husband Mike.  Your life will be SOOO much easier with a nice one rather than a puke.  Remember, love shouldn’t hurt, it shouldn’t be sad and your spouse should always be your soft place to fall.

Kisses and hugs this Valentine’s Day!

xoxoxo Emily (Laney Lu’s Mom)

 

 

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